Looking back at Santa Barbara as seen from half way up the southern side of Hwy. 154.
We turned around to get back in the car after the preceeding shot only to find a waterfall.
Gotta love the spector of crossing "The Bridge to Wine Country" and seeing beautifully sculpted mountains.
This was our first January trip. Hey, snow on the mountains at this time of year. Who'd a thunk it. What's next -- green hills in March?
This is the eastern end of the Santa Ynez Valley. To the left - wine, lots of wine. To the right - who the hell knows, we've never been there, and until they plant Pinot we may never go.
Our stay at the luxurious Quality Inn in Buellton came with its own sense of humor, and a testament to the literacy of our immigrant population.
The movie "Sideways" was filmed here. Stay long enough in the tasting room and you'll walk Sideways.
Walk out the front door of the tasting room and this is what you see. Walk back IN the tasting room and the next two pics are what you'll see.
You think it's kind of a toss-up between the vineyard and the blue jeans?
How 'bout now? Thought so.
Wassa matter, forget your Depends or did this pair fill up too fast fer ya? At his age, laughing at this situation isn't much different than when he was in 2nd grade. Too bad that's such a long walk from the Firestone Walker Brewery to the friggin parking lot.
Bridlewood, always some great Syrahs, and the other stuff ain't bad either.
At Sunstone one must venture into the cave for a taste or five. Beautiful surroundings, nice white & red wines, good friends -- life is good.
This is the view from the porch of Sunstone. Even if the wine was no good (and here the wine IS good), the view would make up for it.
Shane was duped into thinking we had to pull of the road for a pee break. Little did he know that about a mile into the canyon was this heaven-on-earth spot. Turned out this is probably the best part of his trip as he didn't have to taste wine anymore.
This ticket will cost ya about $7.00 and is good for a tri-tip barbecued outdoors over red oak in the middle of a canyon. Might be 100 other people there from all walks of life.
From here to home is a calculated risk as to long one's bladder can hold out. Not long when having a beer or two to wash down that tri-tip.
Zaca Creek Golf Club in Buellton. An executive-sized course and very scenic. But with every swing we could feel the wine gods beckoning us.
Before golf there's always the adjusting of one's glasses so as to look cool. Obviously it doesn't always work.
It takes BIG balls to play the way Dave does.
Say "cheese". Would that then make this shot a Mac & Cheese. (sorry)
Hey. mister, you want fries with that order?
Notice the Swallows Inn cap...
It's stiil on his head at another winery....
...and still there the next day at yet another tasting....
However, after a few cocktails and a plea from an attractive filly, look who's wearing the damn thing now, and fer keeps.
Yep, that's Pat's paw letting Dave know he's too damn easy.
On the good side, if the woman in the next pic asked for the hat we think Dave'd had to turn her down. We think!
Whole lotta shakin' goin' on. Don't believe us, ask the folks at Cal Tech (they're the people with the seismograph).
And what the hell is it with Dave and dogs? Oh wait, there's always a pretty girl on the other end of the leash.
Then there's the ever-serious Tom, whose recent promotion to a lofty corporate position makes him refrain from outlandish buffoonery.
Same "deep thought" mode. Probably concerned with year-end P&Ls instead of wine. That's not tolerated in this crowd.
Starting to loosen up a bit. Once the arms are unfolded we know he's on the mend.
And again, this time with Mike, ½ of the new owners at Brucher Winery, Tom evidences a loosening up a skosh more.
Then, when he's had a few glasses of wine.....
Costa De Oro's tasting room in Santa Maria. Lots of fun, lots of wine, we never got a word in as Leslie doesn't allow it.
That being said...
Having said that...
...(just teasing, Leslie)
PJ scored the best on this trip as this jewelry-bedecked woman in the tasting room spied his shirt and offered to buy it - for $85!!.
It cost him $20!!
Nice going PJ. And we thank Jesus that PJ had another shirt to put on.
Brucher was next but we were too busy sampling the wines offered by Janis & Mike to take pics. Suffice it to say the wines were poured in abundance and all were very well received. Next door was McKeon-Phillips and a visit with the owner and his wines.
For some unknown reason Pat decided to hold court with an amusing anecdote, or maybe he was merely breaking wind.
It's a shame to note that when these guys get together they're just too damn serious.
However, nuthin' quiets these guys down quicker than food after a bunch of wine tasting.
Many thanks to PJ for venturing outside to the nearest fast food place.
And speaking of PJ, he's the only one in this picture without grey hair, or any hair for that matter.
This is what he'd look like with a hat and a smile.
While on the way to Grappolo, PJ & Dave console each other about the impending loss of Dave's Swallow's Inn cap later in the evening. Sometimes we're not sure of PJ's "leaning" and the following two pics further add to our confusion.
This is probably not what it appears to be. Then again, why is Bob reclining, with his fly open, with PJ peering in.......
We're just sayin'.
Then again,there seems to be enough empirical evidence here that PJ was more interested in what's beneath Bob's garment than almost any other living being would be.
And we'd like to offer our thanks to the photgrapher for not submitting any further shots.
And speaking of Bob, he has his serious ("oh look, a squirrel") side...
...and his "I wanna cozy-up-to-a-fat-guy" side.
...and his slight-of-hand side.
...and his pensive side. Here he's probably thinking to himself "How can that old sumbitch still draw a breath."
Or he could have been thinking "Here I am, sitting next to a living legend."
And since he's not the editor of this website, quite frankly I don't give a crap what he's thinking.
And speaking of the oldest of the old in our group, he too has his serious, albeit brief, moments. "Oh look, isn't that the same squirrel Bob saw?"
"Yep, little sumbitch is up there somewhere."
"Let's see now, if I eat food and drink a lot of red wine today, will I have tar-baby poopies tomorrow?"
FYI, the glass does not distort his image, that's just the way he looks. At that age both he and his clothes need ironing daily.
Wishful thinking, boys. You wouldn't stand a chance if you had $100 bills sticking out of your pockets.
Scouring the pouring list at the new Demetria Winery, waaaaay the hell off the beaten path in the off Foxen Canyon Rd.
At Tom's urging we tried a new restaurant in Los Olivos (Patrick's Cafe) and give it a unanimous thumbs up.
Then there's Cuzzin Mac. Raconteur, bon vivant, Nobel finalist (damn that Al Gore). The re-grown stash & goat make him stand out from the ne'er-do-wells he hangs with.
Here we are on a male-bonding wine trip. Lots of adult humor, a fart or two indisciminately flung, and here he is texting (sexting?) the new person in his life.
We guess it's not enough that he got to bunk with Bob & Tom over the weekend, but noooooo, he had to "chat" with her.
Okay, now we see why he didn't get anywhere in the CPAP room.
We're told by his roomies that Mac needs to look into some sort of contraption to quell the snore monster.
They're just sayin'....
When asked about it, Mac said his roomies should take their respective CPAPs and cause them to enter their person.
It's good to be king, but 2nd best is to be a member of the Gainey Cellar Club. Private tasting, 20% off on all purchases, and some damn good wines.
Gainey's premium lable is the Evans Ranch, and wouldn't you know they have their own tasting room. The man in the middle just happened to mention OTL in San Diego and we made a new friend.
Jocko's in Nipomo is not to be missed if you're in the area. The best steaks, chops, ribs, etc. on the Central Coast.
As usual, Pat pays more attention to the wines than to the gas gauge. Fortunately, PJ's taken the hint that his job is to sit in the back seat and watch the tank.
And considering all the luggage, cases of wine, gifties, etc. it's no wonder the car uses up some fuel.
With profuse thanks to PJ, a great many of the pics on this May trip were courtesy of him.
In deference to that, we offer this shot he submitted of his pride & joy who goes by the name of Shaw.
When the cute little guy's in high school and brings a girl home, dad's gonna invite her to see this website.
With equal thanks to Mac, he also sent us many of the pics on the site, and while I don't have a shot of his kids (because he has none), I also don't have one of him as
a youngun'. ========================================================================================
Let's start with Bert modeling his new physique, courtesy of Coors Lite.
That's the North Platte River in the background, the starting place for our leisurely 1½ hour trip floatin' down here with beers at the ready the whole time.
Tubes pumped up, beers loaded, let's git 'er done. Water was nice and warm. Warmer in a few spots after several beers.
This is where we started - God's country for sure. Quiet, scenic, warm.
Not really a bend in the river, the bend is caused by stitching 3 pics together.
This is what that dead stump looks like without the other pics added on.
Rocks be pretty, but rocks not like innertubes. Gotta keep watch lest the trip end a bit abruptly.
More of God's handiwork, and appreciated all the more with a case of beer. Thank you God on both counts.
Floating under the bridge - cool but when there's a mile-long train loaded with coal on the damn thing you'd not be blamed for getting a little antsy.
That thing went on for miles and miles. A bit scary for a faint hearted person but we had enough beer to ward off the evil spirits.
Not enough beer in all of WY to make that look good.
He was pissed cuz the bet was "Last man down the river does oral on the rest."
Can't remember whether he was a spitter or a swallower.
Now 'scuse me while I go wash out my eyes with bleach.
At the end of the float trip we saw little guys like this survivor who, despite a lack of soil, figured he'd try to make a life out of growing from a rock.
More scenery. "Register Cliff" commemorates the Mormons' crossing.
One last bit of Wyoming's natural beauty before we go to the bars. This part of the state is sparsely populated (yea team) and has some starkly beautiful scenery.
1st bar - closed. What the hell, didn't they get the memo that the Dickheads were in town. Come to think of it they didn't even know who the Dickheads are.
We're taking bets that this shot'll make it into the 2011 Over-The-Line program.
Yes, we know they misspelled "existance" but it's WY, okay.
Early afternoon we had to stock up on beers at Kelly's for the river trip, and there we met our new best friend Renae. A most worthy match for us and our schtick.
Renae doubles as a team photographer. Stopped in for one before the float, had to have 3-4 just to be sociable.
Ben's Bar after the trip was a quick stop as we felt a draw coming from across the street at Kelly's, despite the cute bartender here.
And you're right, those class acts are wearing the Dickhats in public at night. Don't worry, we're always watching out for kids.
Met some new friends. Might have been the persuasiveness of the hats. Either that or the gals wanted to play Squat Tag with us.
Many of Kelly's ceiling tiles are autographed. Now they have a Dickhead tile, here being hand-drawn by a local lovely.
Dickheads, Dickhats, and a Dickhead tile. It's good to be remembered.
Next time you're in Guernsey, stop at Kellys' and say Hi to Renae and Luke. He had the evening shift (sorry, no photo) and insisted we stay after closing. Great folks and we look forward to a retun trip.
And all the above, including invitation, tubing, town tour, beers galore, and a place to sleep were courtesy of Shane & Kelly (or is it Kelli). Wonderful and memorable trip guys, thanks so much. We're on for a redo ASAP, or when that river warms up again.
"...because you peed in my pocket instead of that damn hydrant."
Wouldn't be CFD without the Pancake Breakfast, feeding upwards fo 10,000 people 3 days in the week. This shot was taken from the third floor of the Plains Hotel.
Aren't these the same folks we saw in Guernsey? Sho nuff, nice pair. And the two people look good too.
Hell's Half Acre, one of the original CFD floats and always there for us when we need some hotties. We have no idea who the skanks with the crowns are (we're kidding, okay).
Yep, those are walkers, and the Dickheads will be in 'em soon. Can hardly wait to see these boys chasing Tom Horn down Central Ave. during a parade.
Louise rounded up 4 generations of the Naranjo clan for this very special reunion ride. Nice of her to make room for a bunch of duds from CA. What a nice lookin' family, especially the
Told ya. Those gals know how to throw some leg.
In her mind she's 10 going on 30. Might as well start 'em early so they'll get used to those outfits.
Yeah, ease up on that shiz, fella, you're a gol' darn cowboy and this ain't West Hollywood.
The CO girls challenged the CA boys in a "verse-off" parody of the song "That Shit Ain't Right" on the final Saturday @ 11:00p.m. at the Red Wood Lounge with a good crowd. They had chick lyrics, the guys had real men lyrics. Too bad we couldn't get a better pic of the hen party. Oh well, it's not like any manly men were watching or listening. Ogling maybe, but...
It was Open-Mic Nite at the Red Wood. Might explain why they let the next group of ne'er-do-wells up on stage. .
The CA boys sparred with the CO girls in their respective versions of the hit song "That Sh*t Ain't Right." (the anti Brokeback Mountain anthem).
Lyrics are mostly NSFW, and if you don't know what that means, ask someone younger than you.
"We play in small towns.
We play in big cities.
But we play our best.
When we're playin' with titties."
More lyrics below.
I like nighttime stars and no grafitti
Just me, a campfire and my sweetie
Ain't much to add that could be sweeter
But she's the only one who'll grab my peter.
|I'm a little bit country, a little bit cracker
But I ain't looking fer your tallywacker
If I say someone's really a fox
You can bet that someone'll have a box
|It's true, it's true, we're packing mad dong
But we ain't puttin' in where it don't belong
We find it better, though you won't agree
To only poke those who squat to pee
|I'm a regular Joe and a fair handyman
And I can fix things no regular guy can
I swear by Craftsman 'n Black & Decker
I'll break your fingers, if you touch my pecker
We got a helping hand from The Duke (not that we needed one, but thanks John) on a manly lyric but the cheatin' gals were all whooped up and had the gaggle of fillies lined up to scream when the voting came in.
It's said many folks were afflicted with temporary hearing loss. Nevertheless, Mr. Wayne, aka the Man's Man, aka PJ, did a superb job and helped entertain the crowd.
Also thanks to Alf & Pam for bar beers for the winners and losers.
A picture WAS found in a trash can outside the Red Wood showing the onstage chick-fest when Team Midol took to the mic against Team Stud Muffins.
As you can see, they resorted to waving a tambourine and high pitched squealing to get attention, whereas the guys merely sang their part with the utmost of testosterone coolness.
The girls answered the call to a jousting over the web. They claim they won. We claim they screamed their way to this dubious win. Were it ballot-driven instead of a scream-a-thon, the manly men would've beaten these fillies hands down. However, in the spirit of CFD friendship, we offer the chicks' lyrics below. Definitely appropriate for America's Got Marginal Talent.
|We've had fun up in ol' Cheyenne
Flirtin' with cowboys as much as we can
But after 20 years our butts are draggin'
Hair is grey and tits are saggin'
|The High Horses band, they really can play
Roger, Bill, Bob, and those two J's
They sing and party and really flirt
Oh how many hearts have they hurt
|We've danced with guys, we've dance with girls
Out on the dance floor, dancin' them twirls
We've drank and smoked and partied til dawn
But we've always had our britches on.
|So one more year we're here to play
Hopin' to find our cowboy some day
And just like Vegas we're hopin' to win
So come on cowboys, give us a spin
Here's another shot of the gals on stage. Mighty pretty if'n you ask us. We're thinkin' they wake up in the morning looking that good.
Then again, unlike their male counterparts maybe there's a bit of prep work that goes on prior to hitting the outside world. The next shots might help answer that.
Yo Connie, can you pick up cable with that setup?
And it ain't even Halloween yet.
Irrespective of the above picture, this gal can get purdied up as well as any we've ever seen.
And how about that studly cowboy she's snuggling with.
Yeah, how about the lucky bastard.
Our most worthy adversaries, Las Chicas de Las Midol in the above pics, did a great job of wowing the mostly estrogen-filled crowd at the Red Wood. Word has it they won the contest, but then word has it that Jesus is coming back too.
'cept for Molly Ringwald, how many Mollys can you name? Didn't think so.
Lois appears frightened. Not sure of whether it's because she's sitting with the Ancient One or because the Ancient One is trying to detect her heartbeat with his right hand.
With Jennifer as one of our Red Wood cocktail waitresses it's easy to understand why guys keep ordering drinks and wind up on the floor at the end of the night. Thanks for all you did for us Jen, and for helping you pay for that new car.
Meanwhile at the Red Wood the Frito Bandito has rounded up quite the bevy of cuties for the evening. Too bad he ain't gettin' none of 'em.
Here's why (next pic).
Ol' Plastic Penis strikes again. His defense? It was Thursday and "Tough Enough to Wear Pink" Day.
Right, how's that mini-V8 can workin' fer ya PJ?
Meet Bruce, the cowboy who finally came out of the closet. We're thinkin' riding side-saddle might have been a tip off.
We're told that Kelli, sportin' her noobs here (if you got moobs, you'll get noobs), told PJ to leave the 3" plastic pecker on the front porch or sleep outside with the dogs.
What a nice pair. And the Wilbers look good too..
Yo Dave, is Nancy stepping on your foot or is your zipper caught?
Meanwhile Connie grabs Bert's moobs because she can't get her arms around his belly.
The anyul Saturday afternoon Redneck pule pardy added a new feature year - a waterfall, of sorts. Dickhead Jim here is adjustin' it just rite so we don't git the sidewalk all wet.
Uh, hello! Are there no mirrors at home?
There's always another way to determine who gets the damn pole.
Oh the punclines that abound in one's fertile mind. On second thought, the mind doesn't have to be fertile at all.
We think the lady doth take the term "Cougar" a bit far, but then it's probably been awhile and she'd mount that sign post if it stood still long enough.
As for the unnamed guy in the picture - have you no shame? Actually anyone who's seen our famous IDIDAHOG award winner knows the answer to that one.
Okay, here's the deal, you've got the strippers on the street chatting up a friend. You've got the Kum & Go in the background. This one almost writes its own caption but if you've got a good one, let 'er rip.
With all that dancin' and wavin' at traffic, a girl can sure work up an appetite. But my oh my, that's a provocative pose.
Easy come, easy go.
No, that's not the anthem of our sex lives, it refers to the water, dammit. Get yer mind outta the gutter. .
A few of our Elks friends. Perhaps their overt friendliness might have something to do with our return visits.
...then again, there's always something to be said for the willingness to lend a hand to a stranger.
Then again, perhaps their complete lack of taste might have something to do with our departure.
AND NOW - HALLOWEEN IN CHEYENNE.
As always our friends High Horses did a great job entertaining the Red Wood crowds.
And thanks to Alf and Pam for making sure that everyone had a wonderful time.
How do you spell D-U-I and can you count to .08% or more.
Not to demean the lady to Dave's left, nor the guy to her right, but one of you is a trophy candidate.
Hey, she was comin' on to me, and with eyes like that what'd you expect me to do.
So I guess any discussion of a BJ is outta the question.
Gotta give the big guy a pass. His recovery is a remarkable feat.
And here she is again, surrounded by a bevy of lovely Halloweeners.
Even with his new specs, Dave's the night's babe magnet.
Kelli & Jennifer, four of a kind.
...and here's two more.
As we always say: yea titties.
Bet you think that's Joyce. Think again, it's Dame Edna dressed as Joyce dressed as Dame Edna.
Hey , you with the camera, snap this!
...and speaking of Mr. Suave. A dried up vagina hanging from your nose is a sure way to pick up chicks.
Hmmmmm, hey there big guy, or chick, you're lookin' kinda hot if you ask me.
Lemme help you shove that tampon back up where it belongs.
There's something very wrong with this picture. First you've got a drag queen on the left who's waaay too comfortable in his/her persona.
Then another cross-dresser (with hairy chest - nice touch) who's scoping out the first one.
Hey, anybody tell you two that you're in Wyoming?
Cheatin' bastard(ess?) found him/her a hottie. And to think these two created the cute little critter in the following shots.
Now you listen to me gourd-head. I'm da boss of dis here house, despite what my parental yoonits tink. I'm 2-years old and I've got dis Terrible Two's ting down.
Any crap outta you and you're pie.
A boy and his dog. Kinda softens the image of the tooth-bearing Dobie.
Little Linda, a frequent patron of the "Wood", got all dolled up as a Hollywood starlet.
Someone should've told her that her outift would've been more accurate if she looked like an alcoholic, publicity-seeking, coke-whore.
Neverthless, Linda, you looked lovely.
And now the antithesis of the Lovely Linda.
Let's call this one Snatchsquatch.
This guy's starting to scare us in his sheer delight at dressing this way.
Watch it with that tongue, Raylene, or we'll pair you up with the hottie in the above pic.
Who'd ya rather?
And we pray to God these two never mate.
So far that's a wrap, but as we work on more pics they'll make it to the site.
Thanks to all for a great time:
to Conrad for the great seats at the football game, and of course his friendship;
to those who continute to welcome us at the Cloud 9 - hang in there, your day will come;
to JJ and the Four Winds degenerates - you never have any fun;
to Les, Dawn, Elaine, and the ladies of the Green Door - nice "seeing" you again;
to our wonderful friends at the Elks (sorry we didn't see more of you);
to the friends and camaraderie we can always find at the Red Wood;
...and to that TSA chick who groped me at DIA: you never call, you never write...
Thanks to Elks secretary Bob Thomas for giving us a good laugh the entire weekend. The cartoon can be described as Dave's Main Squeeze.
Ichthyology is the study of fishes. Ickyology is when you find yourself in a sticky situation.