CFD 2006 - Doesn't anybody know where the damn thermostat is? Heat's a good thing when you're baking cookies but 90°-100° weather sucks. An open appeal to the CFD Committee: the month of July is named after the Roman God of ovens.     What say you start holding this thing in June.                 

Cuzzin Mac graciously produces an annual CFD t-shirt based on the collaborative input of the club. Shown above is the 2006 version we proudly wore.

Let's set the record straight (pun intended) right from the start. We love women. All kinds, sizes, shapes, colors, moods, and whateverthehell else there is. When it comes to guys, we tolerate each other until the next gal comes along.

As our friends in the best CFD band "High Horses" sing about the same sex issue:
"That sh*t ain't right."    [see them at]

All you have to know about this group is who's holding the bigger weapons. Check out the club heads on those two guys on the right.
Bert's lost so much weight he doesn't have an ass anymore. Hey pal, remember that you can't drive a railroad spike with a tackhammer. Gotta have some buns.

"Hey dumbsh*t, your eyesight's gone south on you, the ball is still another 8" in front of you, not that you'd know what 8" is."

Joyce, not to be outdone by any of the D*ckheads, shows the proper form of recovery when an errant tee shot careens off to the right and into the rough.  Whack that thang, woman.

An unnamed lady (hey, it's either a lady or Phil Mickelson), shows off the mushroom-and-Titleist outerwear. All the guys in her foursome were jealous of the damn thing. 
By the way, what do women call a mushroom with an 8" stem? A fungi to be with.

For the golf-uninitiated, here's Phil Mickelson, world famous golfer and, sadly, poster boy for man-boobs.

...and speaking of man-boobs, nice rack, but what the hell is the perv in the background doing in that position. That look is just soooo Brokeback Mountain.

Jason, having just seen how NOT to do it, tries his hand at shirt-pulling-on.
It's 95° at noon and we're in a goddam non-airconditioned warehouse looking for free beer, and the beer was nothing but foam coming out of a tap. Oh well, the Parades Committee company was good and the jokes were funny and free. Got to meet some nice folks... Charles Sampson, World Champion Bull Rider and ProRodeo Hall of Famer. Do a Google search on him and find over 500 entries. Thanks for your company and the great stories Charlie.             (Uh, you can pick out Charlie in this group...right?)

So many one-liners available, so few to be able to use. All we can say is, hope this ain't a portent of things to come.

Why is it that white guys have to grab their wangs in public? Six guys standing here and not enough between them to make a yardstick, unless you measured the way you measure a cat's tail - from the butthole.  And by the way, didja notice that all but one of them is right-handed?

Mac shown here posing for the poster to be used for the upcoming sequel to the movie "Sideways".

"Yes, Dave, you're the best lookin' guy here, best dancer, best dresser, most charming man I've ever met and I'd love to have your children."

Whereupon the former floozie quickly changed clothes and flung herself into the laps of two willing studly men.
What're you two smiling about? You're wearing t-shirts extolling what women love, all the while your unseen hand is stuffed up your buddy's crack. Oh, the shame of it all. Go back to the first picture for a reminder of what we do here.
Bert and B-15, many years from now.
Go ahead, take it, it doesn't bite (but I do).

Gary demonstrates to Carrie the after-proposal "Now I've got you by the ass" hold.                       We have no pics of Carrie demonstrating the "Now I've got you by the balls" hold.                      Quite frankly, we don't want any either.

Even out of uniform dem Air Force boyz sure do manage to attract the chicks.

 PJ's t-shirt was unable to conjugate the verb "am", choosing the verb "has" instead. 

He was inducted as an Associate Member of the CFDSC as Entertainment Liaison. 

We think that means  he rounds up all the band groupies for us old farts. 

Kelli, forced to take a break from most of CFD due to some physical problems, managed to get out to see her friends and admirers before the week was done. It was good to have you back, Kel.

Damn right. 'Nuff said.
Your typical blowhard politician.
A provocative pose? Perhaps, in a Brokeback sorta way. We just give thanks that Jaegermeister wasn't giving out thongs that night.
By the way Aaron, now that you're in the site twice wearing a woman's t-shirt, maybe it's time for a new schtick. We're just sayin...
2005 Rookie of the Year (Steve) hands off his FAT BOY sign to 2006 Rookie of the Year (Mikey) in a touching ceremony marked by each manly man using a free hand to grab an ass cheek of the other. It's a bonding thing.

It's Thursday, and Erin, Steve, & Mary are all set for their second try at Float Floozie or Marshal.  Last year Rookie Steve played Tom Horn............ nearly killed him.

Cuzzin Mac shows off his purdy pleated front, butterfly wing collar, tuxedo shirt that the CFDSC boys wore.
Thursday was proclaimed National Breast Cancer Awareness Day and the slogan "Tough Enough to Wear Pink" was the mantra of the day.
Second year in a row the crowd saw the return of the Hell's Half Acre goofballs. Each of these lovelies finished the parade completely drenched in beer. Makes you long for the cussin' in the HBO's "Deadwood." That group looks positively classy by comparison.
The cameraman said "Smile" and Diane thought he said "Spread 'em." Close enough. Thanks for making the float again, Diane, you brightened the day for all of your friends and we hope the feeling was mutual.
Friends from Pennsylvania, relatives from just down the road, and an assortment of floozies all gathered to celebrate our favorite fightin' gal. The same spot on the float will be reserved again for next year. Y'all be there.
Yes, even D*ckheads know when there's a good photo op to take advantage of. Couldn't have found a better floozie for the gettin' and givin' of hugs.
Shortly after their collaboration on "That Sh*t Ain't Right", High Horses took offense at the D*ckheads singing in the key of "L", or any key for that matter.

Okay, that's just about enough of this Brokeback sh*t. You can take the boy out of Laguna Beach but you can't take the Laguna Beach out of the boy.
Hey PJ, that frog in your throat?
Hey Bert, that a stack of dimes in your pants?

Rookie Carie from San Diego offers a toast to her newfound second home and to the great friends made at the Elks. More of her later in the show.

"White trash, party of four, your table is ready."

The refurbished Bunkhouse Restaurant was 85° on the porch and 90° inside. Waiting for a party of 14 to be seated = "where's some shade" ,the D*ckheads found it. Who needs ambiance.

...and speaking of testosterone, Slim here had visions of a foursome that can't be printed for polite company to read. Let's say that his sock puppet got a workout.
Family & friends gathered at the Eagles Lodge to celebrate the 70th anniversary of Felix's birth. Lots of good food, plenty of beer, good sounds from the DJ, and a few surprise gifts...
During Felix's 70th birthday party the D*ckheads readied a present for him that he keeps telling us he's been missing for a long time.

"Aye caramba, a dios mio. I haven't seen one of these in years and now I have my very own one. Did you here that Louise, you're off the hook, so to speak."

Yep, one size fits all and it's guaranteed to last a lifetime, for a 70-year-old. And if you do wear it out it can be used as a vase.

"Hey, what the hell happened here.

I'm in Cheyenne for no more than four days  and already I'm a fat f*ck."

"Oh, it's HER belt. Phew!"

Steve proudly shows off some of the amenities in his room at the Pioneer to GF Carie. Not shown in the photo are the built-in spa with jacuzzi, the 52" digital TV, the wet bar, the side-by-side refrigerator/freezer, and last but not least the trout pond.
2005 Rookie of the Year (Steve) had the good taste to bring the 2006 Rookie of the Year (Dickette Division) Carie, and even showed her around town in a classy style to make up for the over-the-top accomodations at the Pioneer.

                        Do me.

                      Did you.

Rookie Carrie knows who to suck up to. Start with the tallest & youngest, then work your way down to the shortest and, ah sh*t, oldest.

Step two, go for the one you think has the most money. It's always the guy who's tight with a buck that has most of the dollars.

And finally, when you've thrown all other guidelines of taste and decorum aside, settle on the one with the nicest shirt and the biggest....... heart on.

The 10th Annual Margarita Party was a huge success. Last year we raised over $800 for the Ronda Mahan Scholarship Fund. This year we hit $2,100, thanks to a change in venue (to the Elks from the Pioneer) and to a bunch of very generous friends.
Here Mac and bartenders Bert & Jim discuss the afternoon's big success. Next year we take lots of pictures.

HALLOWEEN - It was a quieter than usual Halloween. Of course last year there were upwards of 15 of us cavorting around town, and this year fewer. And Halloween didn't really fall until three days later in the week. And the smoking ban, which has been blamed on everything but the fall of Saigon, might have taken a toll but the weather was decent so that theory will have to wait until the dead of winter. Doesn't matter, when you dress up as something you're not, and can go out on public and get away with it, even invoking a few laughs in the process, life is good.

Kelli & PJ as a couple of vampires. One always cute, no matter the costume. One always suspect, no matter the costume. We're just happy we don't have to say "You sure looked good as a girl" for the rest of the year.  Their surrounding aura reminds us of an old Johnny Cash song "Ring of Fire."

The Loan Arranger & Tonto, and their trusty stick ponies. 
We learned after the fact that "Tonto" means stoopid in Spanish. Since we're barely able to feign mastery of English, we didn't really give a damn.

Dr. Feelgood, inventor of the Soft-Touch Mammogram machine. Totally painless -- didn't hurt him a bit. Note the extra appendage in the box.
Tonto & The Loan Arranger, stick ponies in hand (not the only thing they had in hand that night).
Mr. & Mrs. Blood-Suckers, not to be confused with anyone wearing an attorney costume.

Loan Arranger learns the hard way, while Tonto makes off with a two-fer on Saturday night.
Tonto have first of many periods.

All these great cartoons are from the zany mind of Dan Piraro, whose strip goes by the name Bizarro.
Catch more of his creativity at .

Loan Arranger find he not on Tonto's Fave Five.