The traditional start of the winos weekend, Los Olivos Cafe. Too bad they featured this place in "Sideways" as it's harder to get a table now.

Here we see an example of too much alcohol, latent homosexual tendencies, and the closeted "V" sign, which actually means "Spread 'em."

Forgive me Lord, I fell prey to sins of the flesh. By the way, who was that nice man?

Robin Williams you say. Hmm, I really liked him in "The Birdcage" when he played that gay role. I guess next time I'll ask for an autograph.

They did what!!!! And one of them was Robin Williams???

Riding piggyback on Jim's membership in the Gainey wine club, we managed a private tasting in the elegant winos-only room.

"Ohhhhhh, if only I could convince my manservant to deliver this to my house." P-A-R-T-Y !!!!!!!!!

After being confronted by the sight of his  two roommates in compromising positions, one of them entitled "doggy," Tom types a letter soliciting advice from Dear Abby.

Bert's turn at the typewriter, here composing a letter to Dear Abby asking if any of her daughters or granddaughters are looking for a good time tonight.

"Ya know Bert, since I don't see any grapes hangin' off this thing, I think they call it A TREE."

These guys have balls, HUGE balls. Standing outside a biker bar, huggin' and smoochin' is one way to wind up as road tar.

Here's to guys who have the guts to stroll into a biker bar, smelling of wine, and asking the barmaid for a sarsaparilla. There's safety in numbers boys.

Planes fly in the 'Missing Man' formation, the cavalry uses the riderless horse, the Santa Maria Elks fly the flag a half staff, all of them to honor a comrade who wasn't there.

Pete Brucher was in on it from the start. When PJ & Kelli were introduced as "our friends from Cheyenne", he pulled a Beringer White Zinfandel from the fridge and said "Then you'll probably want to start your tasting with one of these."

Every now and then we think Pete falls asleep. It's then when we feel bold enough to grab bottles and start pouring our own.

Cuzzin Mac needs to keep that glass away from other people's private parts, even though we all know Bob's haven't been anywhere we'd want to go anyway.

The Santa Maria Elks Lodge bar. Two boobs in front, two boobs in back.

Santa Maria Elks Rodeo Queen contest kick-off. Last year's winner brought in $264,000, this year's made $262,500. We managed to cough up $100 of it.

Fine dining at the Elks kick-off dinner, with more tri-tip offered than you could put away in a week. They allow an occasional BYOB, thus our collection of the Three B's: Bud, Brucher, and Beringer White Zin.

It's okay, he picked one that's street legal, barely. But hey, legal is legal, right Your Honor?.

Take a look at the far left and you'll find a substitute wino imported all the way from Evergreen via northern California. Yep, Bert talked son Reed into driving down for the festivities when one or two of our buddies had to drop out.

It took everything we had not to break out in four choruses of "Swing Low" but our guide appeared too innocent to be able to take it.

Ah yes, the good life includes wine, a bit of food, more wine, a tasting room siesta, more wine.....

Trying his best to adopt a tough "Are you lookin' at me?" pose, Bob comes off less like Vito Corleone and more like Veggie Provolone.

McKeon-Phillips, next door to Brucher. Do two wine tasting stops in a morning and by noon you're half in the bag. Let's see, between the two places we probably sipped on 12-14 wines. However, we did find a new burger joint in Orcutt that's outta sight. Lotsa food to soak up all the hootch.

Hate to say it but this setting sure beats the hell out of sittin' outside Matt & Pat's Bunkhouse.

In front of only a scant few of Byron Winery's vineyards after another private tasting set up by club member Jim. Now this is God's country.

And here you thought vineyards and rolling, verdant hills were the only lovely things around these parts.

Tucked into a canyon around the corner from Byron, the Ken Volk Winery is a setting that's hard to leave.

While there, "Dances With Dogs" got tangled up in the new leash law. The two lovely ladies chalked it up to a case of oldfartism.

Rosie sat here.

Riding in the back seat of a car after hitting seven wineries can sure take its toll.

Well, okay, it's tough being a newbie on the wine tasting trail, and a little nappy-poo won't hurt. .

Then again, hitting seven wineries can also cause you to make a glass of yourself. Bad pun intended.

OK, here we go with another "after seven wineries" bit. Toss in your own one-liner here and win a free trip to the eighth winery.

The verdant pastureland of Rancho Sisquoc. Too damn crowded in the tasting room, so we brought sandwiches, took a few bottles out of the car, had lunch. God is great!

They don't call him Nappy for nothin'.

You can take the boys out of Cheyenne...

...but you can't take the Brokeback look out of the boys.

Meanwhile, back for another round or five at the Elks. Bob is seen in the background doing something rare, digging into his pocket to buy drinks. Come to think of it, he was probably only buying his own.

L to R, here they are, doing what comes natural: #1) flashing his cherubic smile, #2) looking like he just sat on a cucumber, #3) an alcoholic drink always poised for demolition.

"I swear Bert, her ass was only this wide."

Da Boyz at Da Elks for more of Da Drinks.

"We brought our own bottle, when the hell do we eat."  By the way, for the uninitiated, Jocko's Restaurant in Nipomo is amazing.

Kalyra, one of the stops shown in "Sideways" and always popular.

Four adults, their luggage, nine cases of wine, several boxes of assorted tchotchkes. To borrow a phrase from "Jaws", I think we're gonna need a bigger SUV.

Guess which one of the guys was sportin' this classy polish.

Cold Springs Tavern, hidden in the hills above Santa Barbara, and home of the best damned tri-tip sammich this side of Santa Maria.

 

The traditional 1st Saturday ride on the Tom Horn Float. This year two studly gents were joined by Cheyenne's Toni & Kelli, plus two of Seattle's fine hides, then Nebraska's Erin & Mary. That's a nice eclectic state assemblage. Throw in some California flavor and an expatriot from there for good measure. Oh yeah, the everloving Louise presided as Madame Otero.

 

 

Randy, Sunny (who's with Michael), PJ, and Michael. The two strangers, on vacation from Germany, were picked up by three Californians in Sanfords the first weekend and hustled over to the Cheyenne Club for refreshments and a bit of swingtime. Great folks and we're stilll in touch.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Moments later Dancin' Dave wisks Sunny off for some country two-step lessons, sure to be a hit back home during Oktoberfest.

 

 

 

 

From left: a mom, her mom, her daughter, and her sister. For the dyslexic, from the right: a daughter, her niece, her mom, and her sister. For the cross-eyed...........

 

 

 

Kate, newest member of the group, was an immediate hit with her good looks, sense off humor and ability to handle the stale banter of a bunch of old farts. That and a 36D made her welcome.

 

 

 

Kate made a phone call shortly after this pose and we're sure it was a coincidence that a hazmat team showed up to dust her. Note that Pat has both hands on Kate. Kate has both hands on the guys. Dave has both hands on Dave. Big guy, we need to talk.

              

 

 

 

 

 

                Once a hat-rack, always a hat-rack.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Margaret's been coming to CFD for at least 20 years. There may be a little more slowness in the gait but the sparkle in the eyes and the "Keep your hands off my daughter(s)" is ever present. Now we're being warned    to stay away from Kate by all the family.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Okay, let me see if I remember this step: slide the left   foot out to the side, squat slightly as if trying break wind................

 

 

 

 

 

Tonia (evidently we know lots of them, all spelled differently) a former co-worker of PJ, now living in Louisiana but visiting Cheyenne again looking for work. Happened to be in the Cheyenne Club listening to High Horses when the D*ckheads descended and ruined her evening.

 

 

 

 

Tonia again, and the Old Fart just couldn't resist making her his fiancè du jour. Check out the engagement rock on her hand that any woman would be jealous of, and any Cracker Jack box too. She's moving to Colorado and a new job so we hope to see her at next year's CFD.

 

 

 

 

If the customer won't come to you then take your shine stand to the customer. Kelli's father whipped up a new stand for her and it's portable enough to put on stage at the Cheyenne Club. Watching the band perform from the ass end ain't nearly as satisfying as the regular way.

 

 

 

 

It was Two-fer Tuesday and even though Pat didn't need a shine he did need a peek.

 

 

 

 

Ladies & Gentlemen, we proudly present "The Amazing Dave," an extraordinary magician who has perfected the art of vanishing. Now you see him....

 

 

 

 

...Now you don't. Ta Da!

 

 

 

 

 

Attn: all men! Beware of this band of female hooligans trying to masquerade as cowgirls. They're fun as hell but will rip your heart out and feast on it if you show any fear at all.

 

 

 

 

Gotta be tough to stay with your song when surrounded by all those lovely gals.

 

 

 

 

 

"Ha ha, look at PJ over there being hounded by all those girls and groped and all that nasty stuff."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Look out, they're in attack mode. Must be the estrogen spray in the women's restroom. It's a good thing she's only got two hands.

 

 

 

 

This is getting to be an all too frequent photo for each of these Backdoor Mountin' cowpokes.

 

 

 

 

They may have names, like Lois, Rebecca, and Andrea, but they go by "sh*t disturbers." Here they are in their one-for-all pose.

 

 

 

 

They caught one!
"Run Forest, run."

 

 

 

 

Imagine that, him with a 36C hand and her.................... without!

 

 

 

 

 

 

"We have overflow on aisle 6."

 

 

 

 

 

Guess who is the prey and who is the predator. The gals 3-to-1 advantage is just about right, or so the old fart thinks.

 

 

 

 

 

Dave & Rebecca, exiting the new unisex bathroom at the Red Wood, share their version of the old standard "Swing Low."

 

 

 

 

 

What're you guys lookin' at, you should be huggin'.
Hey Dave, watch out behind you, there's a woman checkin' out yer arse.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Too late!    Rebecca, ever the ass aficionado, checks out some Dave booty. Watchya gonna do with it when you catch it, Becca?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Medic!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jeez, my first bra and they tell me I have it on wrong.   Go figure.

 

 

Introducing Glee Nett, Exec. Dir. of the Children's Western Wish Foundation. Visit their website and make a donation to help kids. www.cwwf.org She hung with the boys for several days, never fading, ever upbeat, cheerful, and dressed to the nines.

 

 

 

 

Right. Typical Irish humor courtesy of JJ Moran and the Four Winds bar.

 

 

 

 

The Tuesday parade and we greet Float Ho rookie Tanya. Here Toni watches as Kelli shows the poster girl for "Tomboys R Us" which end of the case the lipstick comes out.

 

 

 

"That's it, Tanya, apply it to the upper lip then repeat for the lower lip. And don't worry about those stockings chafing you. There's a first for everything."

 

 

The blue t-shirt is from the boys annual softball tournament in San Diego. This shot'll be in their event program next year. Sadly, Diane (2nd on left) passed away prior to CFD 2008.

 

 

 

There must be something illegal about this picture but we're not saying a word. Bert poses with the Evergreen Rodeo queen, lady-in-waiting, and princesses. Just think, their combined ages almost equal yours, big guy.

 

 

 

 

 

Tom Horn was also hung but we think he was taller.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Not having a western belt with his name on the back, Shawn opted for a tat instead. You probably know the old joke about that so we'll not go any further.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Louise, if you twist that right nipple any more it's gonna fall off."

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Who you calling 'Boy' you young whipper-snapper. I got a yard of meat, nads the size of oranges, and enough hair on my ass to weave an Indian Blanket."   

 

"As for you runnin' all over the goddam street at 6,000' elevation while old bastards like me run after you... oh hell, I forgot where I was goin' with this. I need to empty my colostomy bag and take a nap."

 

 

 

2nd Saturday, a fine lookin' bunch of ne'er-do-wells and a new Tom Horn with too much energy. Gotta learn not to run so far, so fast, so long. Next year we'll leave you out there in the crowd.

 

 

 

Lori, Marcel, Shannon, and Pat celebrate that fact that Lori is kicking ass and taking names despite having to undergo one of life's big physical challenges. See you next CFD.